Many women would come and go in Lightside's emotionally turbulent life. One of them decided to stay. To this day, at least as I write this, she continues to stay with him. For how long she can bear to do so remains to be seen. We will call her Glory(not her real name).
She is Lightside's best friend. He tells her almost everything and leans on her during his weakest moments. When everything goes wrong in Lightside's life, he is comforted by the knowledge that Glory will always be there for him.
Glory is very different from Lightside. She possesses an unshakable faith in God and had made several attempts to convert Lightside. All efforts have so far proven futile. In the course of their friendship, she falls madly in love with him. Like Lightside was before, Glory knew nothing about the game of love. She follows in his naivety and makes exactly the same mistake: She foolishly confesses her love for him.
Lightside considers the possibility of having a relationship with this woman he considers his closest friend. She would be perfect for him. She would care for him, be faithful to him, love him. But there was one problem: He didn't love her. Not in the way she wanted him to.
Lightside understands now why the previous woman in his life had walked away. He was in her shoes now, but he would not follow in her footsteps. He was better than that. He would not suddenly vanish from Glory's life without explanation. He confronts Glory, and turns her down as gently as he possibly could.
She would hate him soon after and would not speak to him for a long time.
Life has taught Lightside that when love interferes in a friendship, the friendship is lost forever. Glory would later surprise him. She came back and rekindled their friendship.
This friendship would be tested several more times, and each time Glory would come back to mend their friendship.
Her loyalty fascinates Lightside. Inwardly, he thought her loyalty was comparable to that of a pet dog. Her love for him was truly unconditional.
To this day, she (not so)secretly pines for him. And Lightside wonders how painful it must be for her to always be so close to him, and yet never be close enough.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Lightside meets God
Earlier, I had mentioned how Lightside dreamed about how his dead father had visited him from the great beyond. Lightside was mildly affected by this. He WANTED to believe that it was real. That his father had indeed given him one last parting message before departing this world forever. But like I said, Lightside is a skeptic. It would take no less than a visit from the MAN himself in order to sway him!
That night, Lightside quietly lay in bed, when his room is suddenly bathed in light! Startled, he sits up to find an enormous ball of flames, roughly the size of a 1 story house, right outside his window! It was as if a miniature sun had decided to park next to his house! But it was not hot, no. The warmth that enveloped Lightside was comforting. Exposure to this flaming ball had washed away all of Lightside's problems. For the first time in his entire life, Lightside feels true, pure peace.
And then he wakes. It is still night. It was only a dream. Or was it? Lightside is unsure. Apparently, his skepticism far surpasses his faith. God sends angels or prophets to most people. He made an exception for Lightside. And Lightside, to this day, still remains unconvinced.
.
That night, Lightside quietly lay in bed, when his room is suddenly bathed in light! Startled, he sits up to find an enormous ball of flames, roughly the size of a 1 story house, right outside his window! It was as if a miniature sun had decided to park next to his house! But it was not hot, no. The warmth that enveloped Lightside was comforting. Exposure to this flaming ball had washed away all of Lightside's problems. For the first time in his entire life, Lightside feels true, pure peace.
And then he wakes. It is still night. It was only a dream. Or was it? Lightside is unsure. Apparently, his skepticism far surpasses his faith. God sends angels or prophets to most people. He made an exception for Lightside. And Lightside, to this day, still remains unconvinced.
.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Early adulthood
Naturally shy & reserved among women he likes, Lightside was a late bloomer. Not being more pro-active with the opposite sex earlier in his life is a regret he carries even now. He finally falls in-love for the 1st time with a beautiful young woman way over his league. She had been playing the field for a very long time. He didn't even know there was a game.
During this time, Lightside's father dies. He had died in Lightside's arms. Lightside, his father having failed to form any kind of emotional connection with him, never even shed a tear. Indeed, surrounded by family members, he tried to force one out but to no avail. Apparently, he could cry for his dog when it ran away, but not for his poor dead father. He resigned to fake his sadness all throughout the wake. That night, Lightside would dream of his father apologizing to him for having failed as a parent. Lightside would like to believe that his father's spirit had indeed visited him in his dreams, but Lightside is naturally skeptical.
The death of his father reminds Lightside of his mortality and spurs him to action.
Naive but foolishly determined, he confesses his love for the woman. She doesn't reject him. Instead, she just fades away. She was gone from his life as quickly as she had entered it. No trace was left of her. It was almost as if she was merely a figment of his imagination. But she wasn't. Now, the tears fall.
During this time, Lightside's father dies. He had died in Lightside's arms. Lightside, his father having failed to form any kind of emotional connection with him, never even shed a tear. Indeed, surrounded by family members, he tried to force one out but to no avail. Apparently, he could cry for his dog when it ran away, but not for his poor dead father. He resigned to fake his sadness all throughout the wake. That night, Lightside would dream of his father apologizing to him for having failed as a parent. Lightside would like to believe that his father's spirit had indeed visited him in his dreams, but Lightside is naturally skeptical.
The death of his father reminds Lightside of his mortality and spurs him to action.
Naive but foolishly determined, he confesses his love for the woman. She doesn't reject him. Instead, she just fades away. She was gone from his life as quickly as she had entered it. No trace was left of her. It was almost as if she was merely a figment of his imagination. But she wasn't. Now, the tears fall.
Childhood
What's curious is, Lightside doesn't even have any form of childhood trauma to justify the existence of a split (Darkside)personality. He wasn't his father's favorite, but his father wasn't abusive to him in any way. His uncle occasionally touched him inappropriately, but never really sexually harassed him. His mother died early, but she died peacefully & naturally. He was bullied in school, but he never got beaten severely. And yet, here I am. Proof of the existence of something evil residing within him. Is it possible he was born with me? No. I know I surfaced much later. But when, exactly? We all have a need for a reason to our existence. It's human nature. Is that not why man invented God?
Introduction
Hi. My name is Darkside. I'm actually not a real person. Or rather, I'm not a whole person. I'm a fragment of someone's personality. I'm not really sure if that makes me one of those split personalities. Lightside(my reverse persona or the dominant persona) is a real person. He has an easy, good paying job. He's in a stable relationship with a woman who thinks the world of him. He even has his own blogger account. But he doesn't use the name Lightside. He uses his real name. I just call him Lightside. Anyway, recently, Lightside has been thinking of doing some really bad things. And he read somewhere that when a person expresses these dark emotions through art, or in this case, through blog, he will not act out on these dark desires in the real world. That is how I have been conceived. I am here to spare the world from the wrath of my Lightside. For so long as I exist in here, in this virtual prison of sorts, I can't really hurt anyone,...can I?
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